Untreated wounds from the past hinder us from forming healthy relationships with ourselves and others. Intimacy Coach Bella Maree Lane provides strategies for long-term healing and its proactivity in facilitating positive self-transformation
“Heart wounds are created by unprocessed trauma & pain. When heart wounds are left unhealed, they create unconscious, destructive life patterns. The inner work to heal these wounds is the imperative key to creating a life of joy, purpose, passion, freedom, and love”.
The woes of dating and dysfunctional relationships seem to have become a hallmark in modern society. Our lives are fundamentally shaped by our experiences, and for many of us, the wounds we’ve endured from traumatic experiences in our past (such as illness, divorce, emotional or physical abuse, toxic relationships, bullying..etc) often go untreated. As a consequence of leaving wounds unattended, we are more prone to develop toxic traits which can continue to haunt us throughout our lifetime. This can lead to repetition of traumatic experiences, or the tendency to lean into unhealthy relationships. It becomes a vicious cycle difficult to break free of.
Research suggests that the majority of abuse victims experience revictimization.
Emotional, physical, and sexual abuse may lead to extreme feelings of shame, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem which makes it more likely to normalize abusive experiences going forward. The stigmatization of sexual abuse may call a victim’s credibility into question. When it reoccurs, there’s a whole other layer of victim questioning and blaming which may lead victims to internalise the trauma and keep quiet. These traumas can have tremendous ramifications on a victim’s life.
Receiving Help to Heal
Learning how to reshape the narrative and heal heart wounds cannot be achieved without soliciting the proper help. Experts such as therapists, mentors, and coaches can help individuals facilitate the inner dialogue with themselves. This means bringing awareness to their beliefs and habits surrounding relationships, as well as releasing feelings of shame by providing a safe environment for clients to disclose. No one knows better about the benefits of heart healing than intimacy coach, Bella Maree Lane. After surviving years of abuse at the hands of her partners and fighting for her life after a catastrophic accident and a violent rape, she embarked on a healing journey that led to two decades of traveling to countries across the globe such as India, Istanbul, much of Europe, the U.S., and South America to consult and train with a wide variety of gurus and healing experts.
Bella holds a wealth of experience when it comes to helping her clients heal and shift away from the narratives that are holding them back from living their fullest and happiest life. She is a certified Learning Love Institute therapist and a Tantric/conscious intimacy expert. Bella believes that her trove of painful experiences has forged in her the traits of empathy, compassion, depth, and resilience, all of which help her connect the gift of healing with others.
Healing Begins with Awareness
Being willing to look inwards and self-reflecting is crucial to the beginning of the healing journey. This starts with identifying the fears we have of relationships and exploration of where they emanate from, as well as having the motivation to work on them. This looks like identifying the things that trigger us and learning new coping methods and strategies.
Having an expert who can walk you through this process, can make it far less daunting.
They can walk you through your challenges, and guide you to objectively look at your story, and pinpoint your pain points.
“The concept of healing is easy to understand at a cognitive level, but not simple to implement”, Bella says. She works with her clients to encourage and initiate greater self-awareness, so that they may begin to work through their traumas and release “destructive, debilitating patterns”. The success of her business comes as a result of her clients experiencing profound and sustainable changes in their lives after making these powerful shifts
Healing Leads to Healthier Boundary-Setting
When we learn to acknowledge how our traumatic experiences have affected us, we can set in place the personal boundaries that can prevent it from recurring. This can take form in different ways: It includes learning to set limits and be willing to keep your boundaries. It may look like stopping over apologizing and “people-pleasing”. It also means knowing you are worthy of being loved, cherished, respected, and treated with dignity.
A relationship/intimacy expert such as Bella can help you manifest these boundaries in your life, and be there to support you when you have to walk away from situations that do not serve you. It takes practice to learn new skills and to see yourself in the light. The more you practice, the more skilled you will become. The more love you are able to show yourself, the healthier your relationships will be.
“What we see is that without healing past trauma, we are destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over,” Bella explains. “Once you begin to heal you begin to think, feel, and behave in different ways, and who you attract completely changes”.
Healing Attracts Positive Energy
When our heart wounds begin to heal, our energy flows without impediment as does our intuition to know what is a “yes” and what is a “no”. Our health, mood, and energy levels may well shift for the better. As a result, we have expanded our ability to pursue the things we are passionate about because there is no longer something blocking us. Whether those are hobbies, careers, friendships, or traveling. When we align more consciously to our passions, we become overall happier people, and we attract others who share the same energy into our lives.
After understanding our triggers and learning how to establish unshakable boundaries, our fear of letting people into our lives can be dramatically reduced. Before you can have a “yes” you absolutely need to have a rock-solid “no” in place. We can enhance our opportunity of magnetising people that bring safety and joy, instead of detriment to our lives. The power of chemistry and attraction is something Bella emphasises in her practice. Honing the aspects of yourself you want to enhance, whether it’s compassion, intelligence, or patience, will help connect you to others that share those same traits you desire in yourself. When we are empowered in ourselves, we tend to have higher expectations for others as well. This, according to Bella, is how you will attract the right type of energy into your life.
Conclusion
Overall, for those who may feel as if they’ve been stuck in the same rut or the same dysfunctional relationship, it is most likely a result of unhealed heart wounds. It takes courage and will to embark on a healing journey; to tackle areas of our lives that are uncomfortable or difficult, but once we begin to address those wounds— we can begin to attract and engage in healthier, more loving relationships with not only ourselves but with others. Bella has witnessed personal transformations, from guiding and working with over a thousand clients through personalised programs and group workshops that include ‘Emotional Freedom, Learning Love Therapy’, and ‘Relationship and Conscious Intimacy’. Tantric heart healing is a way of moving forward with oneself, establishing healthy boundaries, and learning to re-love ourselves.
